@lly's Haven

Oops, when my CGL knew about my nick on MSN, she was "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! This is the worldly view!!" haha... actually, I put that because I just can't be bothered with one of my colleagues anymore. So sick and tired of his tricks, his hypocrisy and lack of integrity. He's such a pathetic fellow and I am likewise. Allowing my mood to swing ever so often because of a MORON!And I am an idiot to be affected by him. URGH!!! I am feeling to lethargic! Spirit, mind and soul. TIRED is all I can say. But I have yet to make a decision to pick myself up, another idiocrisy of mine. Knowing and yet not doing. Like seeing the "pi sai" on the face and thinking it's a beautiful mole. (dun mean to be crude) haha... I am laughing at what I am writing... nonsensical.. I think I need to sleep. Where have I placed God all these while? Do I even have the right to choose where to place Him? He's supposed to be on the throne of my heart anyway. God, please forgive me and h...

I have been slacking. This is so bad. Ever since I went KL, I have been too emotional and weak. My inward man is weak!!! And this is so sickening. I feel stupid writing this on the blog!! This is personal but ironically, this how people release stress nowadays. Seems like we relate better to non-living things than living things. That's for me at least. I just bought Joyce Meyer's "The power of speaking God's words". Good for me, especially my prayer is "punctured". I can proclaim the word of God without getting myself frustrated what to pray. There're many things to pray and of course people and matters. Too many, I don't know where to start from. Guess I haven't made much of a decision to give everything to my Heavenly Father. My earthly father came back last night only to speak less than 10 sentences and I don't see him till don't know when. I felt led to pray for him on Fri onwards, and he was back last night. I am happy to see him...

Your Birthdate: February 17 Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection. What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

There's hunger and desire to do more for God. But I am too self-absorbed. God has been sending messengers to speak to me on the issue of humility, I have been holding on too much of the things of my life or rather keeping my life to myself. I am too afraid to let go of the famiy because of the fear of uncertainty. It's an issue of trusting others and trusting God. Reminds me of a sermon Pst Kong has preached before for successful ministry. Trusting God, Trust People, Trust myself. But i think out of these, I only trust myself which is a worldly kinda handling things. I do trust God but to a certain extend, while coming to trust others, I don't know. No offense to my current friends, but I have very low level of trust for others. Especially when comes to promises and words, actions are what I observe. I think I don't have grace on others. I don't make promises unless I know I can fulfill them and I expect that of others as well. And I know this is one area God wants ...

Your #1 Match: ISFP The Artist You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now). You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs. You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer. Your #2 Match: ISFJ The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. Your #3 Match: INFP The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your...

Definitely not 3 wise men. But it was 3 men I dreamt last night. A childhood sweetheart and 2 others whom I like. Strange dreams. Seemed like I was kidnapped by the guitarist, quarrelled with the intellect, saved by "sweetheart". Totally strange dreams. The first time I had a dream in which I had been kissed was during Sec 2 or 3 and last night was the 2nd time. Kissed by the kidnapper.. haha pengz... Spoke with the intellect 2 days ago. Was quite surprised with the things he shared and told me about. He even prayed for me. But I really dun want to be moved in the heart so easily, I want to be transformed and changed by God first. I don't want to be distracted with the person who looked for him. I want to choose to trust God and commit my emotions to Him. God, please help me to just "throw" my emotions to anyone who is good and intellectual. I want a godly man, not Tom/Dick/Harry!

Should I venture out, is it really God who's opening a new door for me? I don't wish to make a decision out of my flesh. But I want to make the right decision that is pleasing to God and in God's timing. I don't want to be an irresponsible person leaving "shit" for others to clear up. I really need to make the training class a success. At least, before I really decide to leave. I am stressed and I need am miracle. I cannot take it anymore.

I didn't the impact will be here until he told me that he is leaving. But I guess it is good for him, for his growth. He needs someone to relate to, someone who can help and empathise. But none of us will be able to do that, perhaps except for one. I am sad and feel kind of lost. But God is good, He pleases people in my life at different seasons. I still thank God that I once know him and have him so near. Soon I don't even think we will be near.... but God is good, love Him not very much till I am able to give up everything, but enough to experience His love. Just can't do without Him, yet God only moves when I move.

Yesterday's sermon was a powerful one. Reaching out to the marketplace. All the testimonies of humble and on fire christian businessmen. All the rich people are pastors and servants of God. How wonderful it is? When will it be my turn? I need God to help me in my communication skills first. If I can't communicate with kings who are mere men, how to do greater things for God? But I am really very touched by the testimonies of those who seek first His kingdom, and all things were added unto them. Buying land without using church funds, to build a church, politician telling the governor to wait while he prays and asks for directions, WOW! Tremendous.... Watched a documentary last night - Shangri-La, Tibet. Maybe I should just be a farmer, be a person in a marketplace that's out of touch/reach. A simple life like this will be good though I definitely may not take the hardship. Sigh... Getting out of Singapore and living a life of vagrant is on my mind again. I always want to do...

Really need Holy Spirit to help me discern what's real and what's not. Too many politics around me but all start from a person I feel. A person who's not even involved in the conflicts but yet has so much to say. On the surface, seems like it's empathy and a sense of righteousness. But I think the person is ambitious. Everyone seems to be ambitious perhaps except for one or two. Have to pray against and bind the spirit for lies and falsehood. Ask God to clothe us with Spirit of truth, love and peace. Grace grace.... I think sometimes myself also "big mouth", like to complain about the irritating person. This is like a web of mystery which I better not get myself stuck and trapped. Don't want to be entranged in such stupid situation which is definitely unnecessary. But God is good, everything will work out fine as long as I obey and walk in His will. Most importantly, fellowship and carry His presence wherever I go.

"I will give you a new heart. A heart that is secure and not lonely. I will take away all your insecurity and loneliness. You will never need to feel insecure and lonely again. I will give a heart of stability."

Sometimes have you ever wondered whether you made certain decisions because you are emotional or is because you really want to have a life transformation? Though when you make a decision to let go and let God, there are times which you have to continue to commit the things/matters/struggles into God's hands. Keep confession your decision and really let it go. It's not about emotions though as a woman, I will say most women are emotional creatures who are easily touched because of our sensitivity. Nevertheless, it is a decision, a desire and the hunger to see my personal life being transformed and living in the will of God. Though it may be tough, but nothing beats walking in the purpose and will of God. At least you know your life is in His hands and not elsewhere.

1. Breakthrough faith and emotions. God sees my desire to want to let it go to Him. 2. I am stressed!!! Because of work, studies and cell group. But God wants me to trust in Him and pray for solutions. 3. The Joy of the Lord is my Strength 4. I am a fighter of faith! 5. I am a mighty woman of valor!

1. When trouble comes, where do you look for help? 2. Can you imagine yourself sitting in the Father's lap telling Him everything and asking for guidance? 3. Do you know that the God of the day is also the God of the night? It is God who is pulling us back up the mountain. 4. Do you know that God only means good for us - in troublesome times He is as close as we allow Him to be. 5. Ask Him today, right now, to be the Lord of your life and the light of your joy. He is always waiting, saying, "Come closer my child." Power Verses: Romans 5:38 , "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NIV) II Corinthians 4:8-11 , "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't...

I think I have not been focused for this whole week. Hadn't really spent time praying or worshipping God. I have been physically drained these days, don't know for what reasons. I just feel like sleeping for as long as I can. I woke up at 845am yesterday and took a quick bath and rush for a cab to work. Work is now a very stressful place for me. I have not managed to get anyway signed up for the upcoming course. As the days draw near, I am very nervous because this is the first time I am taking such responsibility alone. I have a new colleague who came in on Tues, 01/03/05 who is working "under" me and of course Mr Birdy! :-) Thank God for the new colleague, he seems to be enjoying himself. I think he really likes sales. Last night, finally the announcement for multiplication is out. I was pretty excited but after the announcement, I began to feel very uncertain and lost. I think it's myself. I think I really need to spend time with God and stay focused. Increase ...

I went for Pst Ulf's conference on Wed and Thu. It was tiring but praise the Lord, the word has been very good! In fact, whatever I have prayed for the last few days or a week, God spoke to me. By the grace of God, I want to fulfill my destiny. My greatest hurdle now is the "one" in office and myself of course, to break the fear and intimidation in my life. Tuesday was the night that Henry got saved in Gen's house. :-) After the revival conference, Uncle Vincent drove Cindy, Gen, Melchizedek and myself for supper or rather dinner, together with Henry. Uncle Vincent was sharing with Henry about Jesus and having God in his life so that he will be able to step into his destiny. And dunno what's wrong with this man, he could divert the conversation to his business then his past, etc. Ahyo!!! So in the end, Uncle Vincent and Gen suggested to go to their house where they could pray for Henry. Finally at about 1am, Mr Henry said the sinner's prayers after much divers...

I have just finished watching the 'live' service which Pst Ulf was preaching on friendship and loneliness. It was so true that people today are lonely and many have suicidal thoughts. They are always in need of friends or searching for acceptance. But thank God, for there is no loneliness in the presence of His love as we enter into His rest being the child of the Heavenly Father. The love of this world will grow cold and people living in the world will love the things of the world more than the people around them. Instead of using things, they use people and love the things that they desire. But with God's love in our hearts, we love people and use the things of the world to bless those God has placed in our lives. Selfishness, anger, disagreements will break the friendships and the relationships. Therefore, we always need to ask God to help us release forgiveness because LOVE is the weapon that we have against the devil to win the lost over to God's side. That is why ...

2 hours past midnight and I will have to say last night's cg, I really had a great time celebrating birthday! :-) Of course the word was good also. Let Us have GRACE - It's all about being thankful for what God has done for us. What I was shocked was being unthankful can lead me to be stupor in spirit. Which often was the state I was in. I don't think I want to go into stupor again. So many of my brain cells died, I can still remember how intellect I was but comparatively to my Boss, he is the ultimate. Let Us run the race and win the prize - Be disciplined, have self-control, great endurance (counting the cost and looking at the reward) and most importantly, fix our eyes upon Jesus. We prayed for one another and thank you for Ah Ca. She prayed for me about my career, emotions, Godly man! It seems like this year God is blessing me abundantly for my birthday! Since 2002, I have not really celebrated my birthday. 2002 was the year I went SOT, and the sad thing was my birthday...

I am trying a new face mask from Missha while updating my blog. :-) Bought it the day before (since already past midnight), rosemary flavour. "Containing rosemary extract, hyarun acid and aloe, it concentrates on supplying nutrition to skin to calm the skin. It also revitalizes the skin to make it healthy. The sweet rosemary scent refresh your mind (not quite true, I am still feeling very sleepy!!). I need to calm my skin, why? I have sabotaged by my manager! That irresponsible and hypocritical "boy"! There was supposedly a course which both of us are working on. He was supposed to call Singapore and I, the rest of Asia! Can you see the load? At first, he agreed readily and I felt strange I didn't suspect anything and that was since January! Then recently, my boss told me that I will be taking over a new role in a new department which will concentrate on selling courses. I was excited when I knew about it but I also suspected that idiot will sabo me. So I tested him...

CREATE IN ME A NEW HEART ONE THAT FOLLOWS YOU PLACE IN ME A DEEP DESIRE T O KNOW YOU AS I'M KNOWN SET MY FEET IN YOUR WAYS TO LIVE WORTHY OF YOUR CALL DRAW ME NEAR TO YOU LORD EVERY SINGLE DAY I… JUST… WANT TO BE MORE LIKE YOU WALK WITH YOU BESIDE ME LORD… WON'T YOU BE MY GUIDE PLACE YOUR HEART INSIDE MY SOUL A HEART THAT'S EVER TRUE ONE THAT'S AFTER YOU ALL I DESIRE A HEART AFTER YOU ALL I DESIRE A HEART AFTER YOU