@lly's Haven

As I played Walau Seribu Rebah with my guitar, I can't help it but I cried and cried. It has been some time I cried so terribly since few months back. I can't help it but I just felt God loving me, touching me, comforting me. It's like there's a river that has been blocked by a dam, the emotions just came gushing out as if the dam has been broken. It has always been in my heart and a concern, an intangible heavy stone that I don't take much note of. But God knows everything, He knows that I am very concerned and burdened. He knows me better than I know myself. I thought I know better but Jesus knows best. And I really hope that the people I have been going out with will be touched by God. But am I really doing the right thing, am I really impacting and influencing them? I have been praying every night for them, for God's love to touch them, to break every stronghold over their lives, that as I meet them, I will carry the presence of God. There's a hope which...

2 Corinthians 6 (The Message) 11 Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. 12 We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you . Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. 13 I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively! 14 Don't become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That's not partnership; that's war. Is light best friends with dark? 15 Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? 16 Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God's holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way: "I'll live in them, move into them; I'll be their God and they'll be my people. 17 So leave the corruption and compromise; lea...

Mark 8 v34-If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me.

I am extremely tired today. I slept very early last night because of a split headache. Didn't want to come to work today and I should NOT have come in. Heck! I should have chosen not to even leave my bed! Pissed.... Anyway, today is a shitty day to step into office. The only consoling thing is that I met the Korean pastor for a very short bible study of about half an hour. He was sharing about Matthew 2. Mark 8 v34-If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways , take up your cross, and follow me. It's really not easy to put aside my own agenda and completely carry the cross of Jesus. As I grow older, I have alot of my own agenda. It's like the plan of God no longer interests me because it's not what I intend for my own life. Of course, it's moronic to even say I have my own plans for my own life because the days of my life has already long been planned by the Creator. We bear the consequences of wanting to do our things and probably mis...

2 Chronicles 6 v7 - Then Solomon said, "My father, David, wanted to build this Temple to honor the name of the Lord, the God of Israel. v8 - But the Lord told him, "You wanted to build the Temple to honor my name. Your intention is good, v9 - but you are not the one to do it. One of your own sons will build the Temple to honor me. Many a times, we want to some thing for God according to our own ways which we think is right or according to what we think is pleasant in the eyes of God. After all, it's not what we think is right or pleasant, but it's the timing of God and what He wants you to do right.

Yes, the title speaks for itself. My colleague has been pestering the last few days for me to meet up with her friend. As reluctant as I can be, I just felt that maybe I should just go and make a new friend. No harm. But seriously speaking, I have never really make a new friend on the pretext of a blind date. It's not my style. I hope I won't get tongue-tied later on because I am seriously not a sociable person and will take time before I can really talk to someone. Many a times, people who know me long enough will tell me their first impression of me is that I am aloof, proud aka dao. There are very few people whom I will click the first time I meet them. Anyway, God will have His plan. He has been sending people to speak to me for the past 2 weeks. Even for this week, I have another male colleague contacting me and talking to me through MSN. He wants to introduce me to his pastor friend because he has been greatly blessed and ministered by this pastor. I do hope to get to mee...

Not that I am fan of this Korean actor but he was just picking up as an actor after his debut in Coffee Prince, I thought he was a rather good actor. At a young age of 27 yrs, he has passed away suddenly in an accident last night. Why do I emphasise suddenly? Because life is really unexpectable. Like a new friend whom I visited on Tuesday, the next day he was hospitalised for his heart condition again. He was discharged about a week ago. I think his son really lives in fear. At the tender age of 6 yrs, he often has to be left with strangers to be taken care of while his dad is admitted into hospital. Sometimes you see a person today and the next you know, the person is gone. Sometimes when you reach out to a non believer, they always think they have time. Next time, not now, not ready, need to think, etc and some even trying to be intellect. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee, as if your intellect can get you to heaven. Your intellect may get you up the ladder in the corporate world but it doesn...

Paid maternity leave will be extended from 12 weeks to 16 weeks, and the extra four weeks can be taken anytime during the baby's first year. It was previously extended from eight to 12 weeks in 2004. There will also be a larger baby bonus for first-time parents, more tax incentives to encourage mothers to work, more incentives for the fifth and subsequent children, and more financial support for couples who go for In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF) treatment . - This will probably answer the person who wrote an article for Today last week. http://www.channelnewsasia.com/nationalday/NDR2008_part4.pdf

왜?왜?왜? I have people coming after me again, thanks to PM Lee's National Day rally . My friend sms me last nite and morning, my colleague spoke to me about it again. God, is there anything You want to tell me or let me know? Talking about this, I know someone in choir who just got attached as well. We were praying earlier this year during choir prac and asking God to help us meet the right one. And voila! She's attached since March and with my SOT ex-classmate! So happy for her! He's Indonesian and she's half, so that's still quite a match. God brings people together. As for me, I told my CGL over MSN and she just ask me to pray about and lift it up to the Lord. Haiz... I am already very sianz liao. But colleague said I didn't even try and I am sianz liao. I told her there are people or ladies out there where the men make the move to pursue them. I had to try to "pursue" to know more while others don't have to. Of course, this is nothing to compare ...

This morning I finally pulled myself out of bed, crucifying my flesh. It's really 天黑黑 still. It's been such a long time since I get out of the house in the dark but still, I see people in their office clothes. So early... I felt as if I am going back to school again, waiting for the bus in the dark. When I reach Singapore Post, it was still dark! already 710am but it got brighter 5 min later. Indeed, morning prayer is very good to start and get yourself started right before the Lord. I had a good time talking to my Father in heaven. Loved the worship song we sang. I am very blessed. Had a $2 breakfast. Though church provided, my CGL wanna eat at the food court but compared to Mac or any other places, $2 is still cheap. After breakfast, my colleague gave me a lift to work just on time. :)

*CHORUS* I am yours, like the sun which sets The beautiful memories are all from one place Precious memories of the naive days together Woo- they remain as a picture which has no regrets You are mine and make the lonely times pass You are the sunlight which shines on me Your small white hand in mine Like the sparkle of a jewel it makes the promise of eternity * Repeat You are mine, like a sad graduation song You are still a small part of this heart of mine Your beauty glitters in your eyes Like so many stars I hope you will always shine * Repeat x 2

It's a day where I had so many people talking about singlehood and marriage. Socialise, make more friends, know new people, dieting so look better, slimming to look pretty, blind dates.... Haiz, what's with the today's theme? It seem like I have lived a themed day. Even Channel 5, PM Lee is talking about singlehood and marriage. Yes, I do hope to be attached and yes, I do hope to get married; yes, I want to have a family with a minimum of 2 kids. I used to get depressed when all these become dimmer as I grow older. My CGL will know best because she has seen me getting emotional and depressed about singlehood and the inability to see the bright future. I still can't but I am not very affected by this fact now compared to the past. In fact, the desire seem to have died down a little or rather, alot? I don't know. To me, I have pass the stage of allowing this stupid thing to affect me and ruin a quarter of my life. Thank God, I have walked out of it instead of continui...

Most people try to get rid of their own weaknesses whenever they are found. However, they don’t know how helpful these weaknesses are to us in our lives. ‘Fuse’ invented the fuse accidentally. As the weakest part of a machine, the fuse melts out by overflowing electricity, and it protects all the other parts of a machine. Our lives need a fuse also. If every single part of a person is good and brilliant, it is very difficult to learn to have a humble heart. Peter thought that he was a brilliant disciple of Jesus and could not acknowledge his weakness. Nevertheless, after he denied Jesus three times, he came to know about his own weakness and lacking. When he deeply realized his weakness, Peter could not help but depend on Jesus. From that time, Peter became a powerful person who worked with God’s power. He became a powerful servant by his weakness, not by his strength. God gave us weaknesses, because they give us an opportunity to depend on God. As we find out our own weaknesses and ha...

I think this is the 4th or 5th time I am someone's elses bride's maid and I hope I won't become the gal in 27 dresses. But even so, if I can find the right man at the 27th dress, I wouldn't mind... haha... But anyway that's besides the point, the main thing is that this is the first time I am wearing gown. Those who knows me, will know that I hardly wear dresses, let alone GOWNS! There were 4 of us and the gowns weren't fantastic except for 1 that fits my friend nicely. At the end of the fitting, one of my friends made a comment that really made us flipped. Of the 6 bridesmaid, half of us are singles and the other half married. Of the 4 of us (excl the bride) there yesteryday, only 1 was married. Lian (look at the wedding gowns on the rack): I want to try one of those wedding gowns. Us (looking puzzled) Lian: I am afraid I might not have a chance to wear one. Us - BEWILDERED The 2 of us wanna bash her up for talking rubbish, what a taboo to say that in front of ...

"Naaman was a great and honorable captain, but he was a leper. Therefore, his heart became humble when he could not help but to go to Israel, his enemy country, to heal his disease. Despite already being shameful, when he heard that he had to wash his body in the Jordan River seven times, he thought that he was ignored. Hence, he tried to go away. In the same way, we try to humble our hearts and listen to the Word. Yet a strong denying heart comes up and makes us think ‘I can not tolerate this one,’ at the last minute. Satan lets us establish our pride to prevent the Word from entering into our hearts. That is the reason why many people deny the Word at the last moment and cannot receive salvation after they listen to the gospel. After Naaman changed his mind, followed the word of the servant of God, washed his body and was healed, he became to believe God. As God led Naaman to have the faith to believe in God, He also does many works to pull us toward Him. If there is no difficul...

I have already set an alarm to wake up 530am. I had prayed last night to ask the Lord to wake me up and He did at 5am. So I laid on my bed till the alarm rings. Yeah, finally it rang! But look at the dark sky out there, I lost my motivation to go for prayer meet. It's really different. In Korea, I woke up at 5am or latest 530am every day because the day breaks at that time. It was bright and sunny! Haiz, having to walk alone in the dark to the bus stop, really didn't help motivate me at all! Well, I guess I just have to have more hunger for the presence of God. I have to push myself forward next Monday. Oh God, am I becoming complacent? Or I am just being fleshly at this very moment? Plain lazy!

At las! Pst really spoke what has been in my heart all along..... Reason why I wanted to marry young was what he has all mentioned. Does it sound very fantasy at all? I guess not when it comes from a pastor..... Anyway, here are 3 points for you ladies out there - what a man is looking for: 1. Recreational companionship 2. Attractiveness (Lose weight if you need) 3. Admiration (Ego food) And what the ladies should do: 1. Keep spiritual standards up 2. Keep emotional standards up (Don't be a shut-down person. Haiz!) 3. Keep physical standards down (the person will grow from glory and glory, look far!) That's pretty much about it.

Last night, I realised that I haven't been writing to God for a long time. Before blogs came into existence, I wrote all my thoughts, reflections and what I have gone through for the day as if I am writing to God. But now writing on the blog, I don't express whatever I think or feel because it will be like a publication. To me, blog is just a tool to keep you in touch with your friends or people around you. It's definitely not a tool for your to be transparent because millions of others out there are reading and watching you - a stranger. Anyway, I thought I should write something last nite. Though prayer is a communication, but writing to me brings life to the communication. Talking would seem like I am talking to the air, personally. I like to write, used to anyway. I am now very rusty with my vocabulary and language. I wrote alot last nite, about what I think and feel, everything. Downloading stuff from my heart and head into writing for God to read. I need financial bre...

I really miss Korea. I don't really see much of the country even when I was there for 3 weeks but the experience with the people of Good News Mission Church has been great. Though there were some misunderstanding about the doctrine during night fellowships there, I felt a sense of liberty when I finally understood what they were teaching. I was praying during the camp and asking God did I make the wrong decision to go for the camp? What was His purpose? I refuse to believe that that was a mistake while I was in Korea. How can it be a mistake? He allowed me to bump into the website of IYF last year and made it possible for me to join the camp. I really asked God and He gave me positive thoughts. I stayed on with the camp because of those thoughts. But then again, I had issues with the doctrine again and by then, I was physically exhausted and I gave not only the teacher bit the whole group the ultimatum to stop them from bothering me. They didn't give up and finally got a minist...