A Hunger but Comittment Problem

There's hunger and desire to do more for God. But I am too self-absorbed. God has been sending messengers to speak to me on the issue of humility, I have been holding on too much of the things of my life or rather keeping my life to myself. I am too afraid to let go of the famiy because of the fear of uncertainty. It's an issue of trusting others and trusting God.

Reminds me of a sermon Pst Kong has preached before for successful ministry. Trusting God, Trust People, Trust myself. But i think out of these, I only trust myself which is a worldly kinda handling things. I do trust God but to a certain extend, while coming to trust others, I don't know. No offense to my current friends, but I have very low level of trust for others. Especially when comes to promises and words, actions are what I observe. I think I don't have grace on others. I don't make promises unless I know I can fulfill them and I expect that of others as well.

And I know this is one area God wants me to deal with and the other area is to really give my life and everything to Him. Bible says, "for those who hold onto their lives, they shall perish. But whoever give his life to Me, he shall live." This is not a death verdict. But as a human, you often hold onto things that are perishable, but God gives you things which are eternal. A hope and a future.

I want to be free in my spirit but that comes to trusting God and giving him the control of my life. He has given me a choice, because He desires a free-will decision and doesn't enforce His will upon us.

I want to have an intimate relationship with Him like when I was young. But I believe if this time round if I really trust in Him, I will have greater breakthroughs because I have the Holy Spirit.

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