Mixed Emotions

Emotional? Disappointment? Resentment? A heavy heart. This is a year of good news for many of my single friends even celebrities who were single for a long time. Met up with a friend whom I hardly met since Covid. Today we met up and she introduced her boyfriend. Happy for her though I was surprised. The next bomb was she is getting married in November. Definitely happy for her, but I felt this extreme loneliness and again, likes an unwanted or neglected child. I admit that I am not fervent in praying in this area of my life nor any areas of my life. Except an occasionally whisper to express how I feel, my concerns about work or my mum. Is my miracle on my way or am I damned to singlehood? Am I truly enjoying my freedom or am I just trying to survive through. There is a sense of deep sadness but there are no tears. 1I once experienced in what I thought was a miracle, like finally, God You remember me. I was truly happy and blissful but I probably blew everything away in the moment of passions. the extreme grieve and pain that I felt in what I felt like fairy tale. Once again, I felt this pain and aching in my heart. Question of am I not worthy or am I forgotten, am I not perfect or ready for anyone to share life with? I am scared of having crudh on anyone and to have to face rejection or being unwanted once again.

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