@lly's Haven

What's new? It's nothing new under the sun. The meet up was good but has much negative impact on my emotion. I really miss my own friend. At least he's my very own friend. Now I am left with none whom I grew up with and feel comfortable to share and be with. Feel so alone and also lonely... There's no place that I belong nor is there a place for me anywhere. All of sudden I just find it meaningless to be part of anything where I don't really have a sense of belonging. It's my perception of what acceptance is. I always find it important to accept the other party as who they're. I will try to keep anything negative abt tt person. Until opportunity arises to address the issue. Everyone has short-comings. But the worst place is the place of believers who likes to place a price tag when you're different from tt particular group. The 2 days of outburst about believers are years of suppression. I miss the ppl whom I call friends.

It's good to catch up with my good friend. But somehow the truth hasn't settled in and it still hurts and make me sad. I told him it's still upsetting because I've known him for more than a decade. But it was a good time spent. Dinner, drinks and a visit to the pub. Not much of an eye opener but still an exposure. Shared with him abt the dates I went out with.. And how disappointed I am. I am tired. My heart has bled till it's dried.... It's seems like there's no right person for me nor am I the right person to anyone else. But my good friend consoled me, the right one will come soon. I am not optimistic about it because I no longer has the energy to suffer a blow. He said I ain't ugly. Thanks, it does put a smile to my face, to have my good friend telling me that.

RENEWING OF THE MIND is the answer. Knowing the right answer doesn't mean that a person will make the right choice. "Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak", this is a common phrase heard among christians be it as an excuse, joke or reason. Looking at what Pastor is going through, what I am feeling is seriously nothing. But just as Equal Sacrifice and Unequal giving applies, so does it apply to the issues of life that one faces daily. "To each of his own" that is. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Well it depends on the priority, personality, background/experiences and belief system of the person. Not to miss out, also family and friends play an important part aka relationships. So I will appreciate if you don't inculcate what your value system onto mine. Everyone faces and handles issues of life to the best of their know-how. Currently, I need a new environment to renew my mind. Be it nonsense or not, environment to me is a key ingredient for...

Negatives vibes creeping out from the depth of one's heart. The beast that lies slumbered in the abyss of the darkness, unknown to the world out there. The beast lies there in the heart without making itself known of its existence. Waiting for the opportune time to awake and devour the very owner that houses it for years. Building strength upon the darkness of the heart of its owner, gathering an inner power almost silently and unknowingly. Indeed when the light comes, it was exposed. Confused, lost and bewildered was the owner, a choice must be made. Darkness to flee, owner to lead double lives or be pierced through by the sharp edge of the fence? A bad choice to be sitting on the fence, that's the very reason why one can't move on or do anything. Dead..... The truth shall set the humble free, the proud shall grope for the truth but never get to hold onto it. Freedom is far from the hands of the proud. The stubborn too tries to hide the truth, but there's no door...

Haizzzzz, why, why , why? This is the only company which I have stayed the longest ever, 4 years and 3 months 2 weeks. I don't know to be sad or to be happy. But it has been a nightmare for the past months, I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. It's not the work stress but it's the mental stress of people keep bugging me all the time. Really, each of us have our scope to handle daily and there's only that much to handle. Besides, there is no consistency in the priority. Priority is when people jump at you and each time when a different issue starts to ensue, priority changes. It's irritating and stressful. Especially when the person is rude and sounds irritated all the time. Enough is enough. I need deliverance if I work with this person any longer. In fact, I think I do need to release quite abit of anger. Emotionally I am whacked in the inside, not helping when I am a melancholic. I am sad to leave this place. It has very nice culture and environ...

For twice over the weekend, I read about fasting. I think one was a past article by Pastor about the benefits and purpose of fasting, and the other was so happened that Pastor blogged about fasting again! For the whole of last year, I think I hardly fasted or maybe just once or twice but that was for the sake of doing it. But this time, I really want to stay focus and pray for healing, breakthrough and also more hunger for God. I have been following some of the tweeple, and felt that wow, I mean God is moving and how come MY spiritual clock seem to have stopped. Many distractions and also emotional baggages. Sometimes I am just too caught up with the world, my emotions, my needs, my wants, my dream, my desires. Yet, this person gave up his desire to fulfill a greater purpose and was filled with joy. So why am I striving? More and more, I felt meaningless about my life, and vague about my future. Do I have a future? I don't see it. I can't see as well. As I grow olde...

Newsong Irvine | {ME} Awaken Your Soul Pt. 5 "Prayer" [2010.03.14] from Newsong Church on Vimeo . Apparently, I think he's Van Ness Wu's spiritual mentor.

別打開 禮物的緞帶 最初充滿期待 最後都腐敗 別打開 午夜的電臺 別讓情歌反覆再愚弄 而愛 並沒有教給我生存 只教我交易虛榮給天真 可是愛 讓我們變成陌生人 卻變不了更高尚的靈魂 不要吻我 只要抱著我 不要愛我 做我的親人 把手借我 一天一分鐘 做我最親密的親人 不是誰的情人 誰的某某某 就算我 全身濕透透 我也不再被誰 牽著鼻子走 如果我 還握住拳頭 可能我怕我的夢飛走 而愛 並不如你想的萬能 不能讓我們不再戰爭 可是愛 連慈悲也沒多慈悲 誰愛越深越容易被犧牲 不要吻我 只要抱著我 不要愛我 做我的親人 把手借我 一天一分鐘 讓我還敢做我的夢 做我夢中偉大的微笑的英雄 不要吻我 只要抱著我 不要愛我 做我的親人 把手借我 一天一分鐘 讓我還敢做我的夢 做我夢中偉大的微笑的英雄

你曾說不想有天讓我知道　你對他　有那麼好 你說會懂　我的失落　不是靠寬容　就能夠解脫 我以為我出現的時候剛好　你和他　正說要分開 我以為你　己對他不再期待　不縱容他　再給你傷害 我以為我的溫柔　能給你整個宇宙 我以為我能全力　填滿你感情的缺 專心陪在你左右　彌補他一切的錯 也許我太過天真　以為奇蹟會發生 我以為終究你會慢慢明白　他的心　已不在你身上 我的關心　你依然無動於衷　我的以為　只是我以為 我以為我的溫柔　能給你整個宇宙 我以為我能全力　填滿你感情的缺 專心陪在你左右　彌補他一切的錯 也許我太過天真　以為奇蹟會發生 他讓你紅了眼眶　你卻還笑著原諒 原來你早就想好你要留在誰的身旁 我以為我夠堅強　卻一天天的失望 少給我一點希望　希望就不是奢望 我以為我的溫柔　能給你整個宇宙 我以為我能全力　填滿你感情的缺 專心陪在你左右　彌補他一切的錯 也許我太過天真　以為奇蹟會發生 他讓你紅了眼眶　你卻還笑著原諒 原來你早就想好你要留在誰的身旁 我以為我夠堅強　卻輸的那麼絕望 少給我一點希望　希望就不是奢望

Been an emotional new year and what's new? It's a yearly vicious cycle. It doesn't feel good at work, home and with relatives. It doesn't feel good being unappreciated, or being treated with favoritism. Doesn't feel always having to listen to ppl telling you "I don't know" as if I was born to know everything.... Hello everything is learnt!! At least say show me how to do!! Passing the monster 3 and yet to experience any romance in life, having others telling you they want to stop giving you ang Bao in 2011, wanting their kids to receive mine instead. HELLO!!! Give me a break and don't tell me I'm idealistic. Who's being idealistic here now?? If I could have an idealistic dream realized tt would be 5 years ago, and at present my ideal dream would be having 2 kids whom I'm either deeply in love with or getting frustrated trying to discipline them. And perhaps planning to have another 2 more angels... Well, life isn't that idealistic. ...

What to share tonight? What does God wants me to do in 2010? Seriously, I don't really know. I only know what I want to do and need to know. To practice my guitar everyday To keep a healthy lifestyle now tt I have kaki. To go for a mission trip To bring my mum out for a trip To have a stronger prayer life To be consistent in my walk with God To be stable in my emotions To build a stronger faith and trust in God To step up/deeper into my role as CGC

to stay positive to think positive to speak positive to feel positive to be positive to pray positive to see positive to believe positive/good things are coming to know positive/good things are coming Leaving the negative in 2009 Keep the good and carry to 2010 So that my life will get better than the previous year A closer r/s with the Lord, fall in love with a perfect Man before I fall in love with an imperfect man Building life's priority around Him so that I will not strife for what I desire

The other day while I was driving home my world was shaken It occurred to me that I had left too many risks untaken I'm always sitting here just waiting for a revelation Is it ever gonna come? All this searching yet my destiny is still unfound Makes me realize this world will always let me down So it seems that the only hope I ever had Was everything that You are I'm falling down Tumbling after You I'm overwhelmed Tripping over simple truth In all I've found There's nothing that's more beautiful Than what I've found in You You could always see right through the front I'd offer You Not believing my excuses, waiting for the truth When You could have turned Your back And walked away from me You, You picked me up instead So we'll turn another page and change the way I look at You And maybe I'll begin to understand what You went through Not content to leave me wandering and unaware You took my hand instead Yeah, You lead ...