Emotional

Been an emotional new year and what's new? It's a yearly vicious cycle.

It doesn't feel good at work, home and with relatives. It doesn't feel good being unappreciated, or being treated with favoritism. Doesn't feel always having to listen to ppl telling you "I don't know" as if I was born to know everything.... Hello everything is learnt!! At least say show me how to do!!

Passing the monster 3 and yet to experience any romance in life, having others telling you they want to stop giving you ang Bao in 2011, wanting their kids to receive mine instead. HELLO!!! Give me a break and don't tell me I'm idealistic. Who's being idealistic here now??

If I could have an idealistic dream realized tt would be 5 years ago, and at present my ideal dream would be having 2 kids whom I'm either deeply in love with or getting frustrated trying to discipline them. And perhaps planning to have another 2 more angels...

Well, life isn't that idealistic. Live it or leave it, and I've chosen the latter.

It gets more tiring over time. Time is faith building for most, but for me, it works just the opposite. So much for God knows me the best. I guess He does but He's just getting more complicated for me to know. More and more so each year.

Is this the reason why I just don't wanna know any guys from church? Perhaps so.

Does it sound like I'm backsliding?? Well emotionally, I am ever on the verge.

I have this big hatred toward men year on year as I see more and more shallow genre. May the Lord help me see those who has depth.. If there's ever one to behold.

Now see what's being emotional about when it comes from me. It's from glory to glory... From negative depression to negative anger, what will be next?? I don't wanna imagine.

Now to me, to have the bunch of dragonboat guys and mama around me, at least I feel normal as a woman. There men in my life whom at least I have communication with. Not the freak who doesn't have any male companions, thinking what's wrong with me?!?!

I feel good just having men around whom aren't just shallow but just around to chill out no matter who you are.

Not shallow, chicken, cowardice act!

An explosion which I have kept for the past 1 year. Guys from church? BIG NO!!

Have I compromised my standard?? Is it my fault? Takes 2 hands to clap... Lack of faith?? Yes... My fault?? Same answer as above...

Well I am reacting this way today but another day you may read proclamation of faith about a good hope and a good future.

That's what emotional about me. I have more outbursts inside of me but I should keep silence until the time is ripe. Whenever is that.....

Popular posts from this blog

Mixed Emotions

Emotional? Disappointment? Resentment? A heavy heart. This is a year of good news for many of my single friends even celebrities who were single for a long time. Met up with a friend whom I hardly met since Covid. Today we met up and she introduced her boyfriend. Happy for her though I was surprised. The next bomb was she is getting married in November. Definitely happy for her, but I felt this extreme loneliness and again, likes an unwanted or neglected child. I admit that I am not fervent in praying in this area of my life nor any areas of my life. Except an occasionally whisper to express how I feel, my concerns about work or my mum. Is my miracle on my way or am I damned to singlehood? Am I truly enjoying my freedom or am I just trying to survive through. There is a sense of deep sadness but there are no tears. 1I once experienced in what I thought was a miracle, like finally, God You remember me. I was truly happy and blissful but I probably blew everything away in the m...
Read more

Update for Q1 2018

It has been a journey since beginning of this year. In fact, I thank God for the healing sessions end of 2017 before Sep. I have been going for healing sessions with cornerstone and have been greatly ministered to. Release of the pressures and stress of life since my youth when I had to near all the brunt of my father and take up the responsibilities of my mum's inability to be a housewife. The loneliness and rejection that I had to go through during the last trimester of my mum's pregnancy while staying with my god grandma. It was a great relief and deliverance and reassurance of His unconditional love for me. He will never leave me nor forsake me. Since then I felt so much lighter about myself and about life. The oppression and your was broken off from me. Now I felt that things are progressing. I started to join a ministry - Greeters - and have been involved for the past 2 weeks. My first start was back at Jurong west. For the past month, quite unbelievably, I ha...
Read more

27th Jan: Holocaust Memorial Day

Image
Source: http://www.israelnewsagency.com/yadvashemholocaustisraelnew88480313.html Source:photos/images/Pol-jew2.jpg Sunday marks the day for International Holocaust Memorial Day. Personally having visited the Holocause Museum (Yad Vashem) in Israel, it is definitely the saddest and darkest period for the Jews. Anti-semitism is indeed a scary belief and practice which is demonic, that can only explain the degree of cruelty that no mankind can ever imagine. Who would tear apart an infant who is less than a year old? Who exterminate an entire nation of Jews? Why is that only the chosen nation suffers such violence? This is no work of the human mind and act except for the devil. May Israel be greatly blessed and be a light that shines forth so brightly. They have proved themselves to arise and soar above the darkest history. I guess probably because their experience with Holocaust, they are able to better protect themselves, having excellent security measures and military advancements. G...
Read more