Tarry and do not be tired
Definition of tarry
intransitive verb
1a: to delay or be tardy in acting or doing
1b: to linger in expectation : WAIT
2: to abide or stay in or at a place
Oct 2018 till Oct 2019, everything seems to happen only in October for some reasons. I met JQ in Oct 2017 and somehow felt some attraction. Then we got together in 2018 but broke up in Oct the same year. We met with the leaders in Mar 2019 and was told to wait for 6 months. That deadline was Oct 2019.
I don't know why am I so controlled or so tormented with the fact that I need Cindy's approval. Would I rather break my own heart then hers? Or was it like what Sara says I want to have a form of guarantee or security. Is it because I don't want to take the responsibility of a mistake that I may make? Am I afraid to face the failure of the choice or decision that I make? If anything goes wrong, I have someone to blame? Or is it just the blessing and approval I want from someone who has helped me and walked with me for the past 16 years?
Is it gratitude? or is it fear that's holding me back? My parents don't have such an authority to influence my decisions in life and I don't even need their approval to do what I want. Yet, why am I so fearful of Cindy's disapproval? Am I afraid of her wrath?
Jesus, have I placed her above you? In fact, she terrifies me much. I know she loves me but at the same time, I don't find our relationship as friendship. It's more like a master and a slave.
Is my relationship with You the same as well? Somehow I think it is. I always feel out of place and lack of security that I am accepted or welcomed? Since when I started feeling this way? Since poly? Since when everyone starts to get attached and married while I am left alone? The words or criticism of my relatives?
Jesus, please help me to overcome this feeling or emotion of insecurity. Fear of the opinions of others. Fear how others look at me. Fear of not meeting the expectations of friends. Fear of disapproval. Fear of not being good enough and feelings of unworthiness. Help me to be who You have truly made me to be. Help me to work out these emotions and to build my identity in You. How You look at me, how You adore me, what You think of me - the good thoughts that You have about me.
Jesus, I want to be with JQ. The feelings have fade, regardless, You are our matchmaker. You will give us the breakthroughs we need individually and as a couple in Christ. Help us not to live based on what we feel about a situation or about life, but renew our minds. Give us godly perspective of our circumstance and help us to continue to rejoice and to trust in You.
Thank Lord, thank heavenly Father for Your love and protection. Thank You that You have helped us walk through this year. Bring us close to You. Holy Spirit, help me not to resist You or try to box You up. You are my friend, my advocate, my counselor and my help.
intransitive verb
1a: to delay or be tardy in acting or doing
1b: to linger in expectation : WAIT
2: to abide or stay in or at a place
Oct 2018 till Oct 2019, everything seems to happen only in October for some reasons. I met JQ in Oct 2017 and somehow felt some attraction. Then we got together in 2018 but broke up in Oct the same year. We met with the leaders in Mar 2019 and was told to wait for 6 months. That deadline was Oct 2019.
I don't know why am I so controlled or so tormented with the fact that I need Cindy's approval. Would I rather break my own heart then hers? Or was it like what Sara says I want to have a form of guarantee or security. Is it because I don't want to take the responsibility of a mistake that I may make? Am I afraid to face the failure of the choice or decision that I make? If anything goes wrong, I have someone to blame? Or is it just the blessing and approval I want from someone who has helped me and walked with me for the past 16 years?
Is it gratitude? or is it fear that's holding me back? My parents don't have such an authority to influence my decisions in life and I don't even need their approval to do what I want. Yet, why am I so fearful of Cindy's disapproval? Am I afraid of her wrath?
Jesus, have I placed her above you? In fact, she terrifies me much. I know she loves me but at the same time, I don't find our relationship as friendship. It's more like a master and a slave.
Is my relationship with You the same as well? Somehow I think it is. I always feel out of place and lack of security that I am accepted or welcomed? Since when I started feeling this way? Since poly? Since when everyone starts to get attached and married while I am left alone? The words or criticism of my relatives?
Jesus, please help me to overcome this feeling or emotion of insecurity. Fear of the opinions of others. Fear how others look at me. Fear of not meeting the expectations of friends. Fear of disapproval. Fear of not being good enough and feelings of unworthiness. Help me to be who You have truly made me to be. Help me to work out these emotions and to build my identity in You. How You look at me, how You adore me, what You think of me - the good thoughts that You have about me.
Jesus, I want to be with JQ. The feelings have fade, regardless, You are our matchmaker. You will give us the breakthroughs we need individually and as a couple in Christ. Help us not to live based on what we feel about a situation or about life, but renew our minds. Give us godly perspective of our circumstance and help us to continue to rejoice and to trust in You.
Thank Lord, thank heavenly Father for Your love and protection. Thank You that You have helped us walk through this year. Bring us close to You. Holy Spirit, help me not to resist You or try to box You up. You are my friend, my advocate, my counselor and my help.
