What to do with my life?

What's my dream and passion?

Honestly,longer know. Ever since graduating fron poly, I have already given up on everything.

In sec school,  my dream was having all my close friends saved. They get to know God and receive salvation. Subsequently, I realised that no matter how I hard I try, it's pointless.

Then I wanted to go overseas and study. I went to poly in the hope that I can go overseas for studies after graduating. Then my world came crashing when my dad got into trouble and hasto resolve using monetary method.

I still believed and that there will be a way out. So I worked and studied part time, hoping that I will have a chance to perhaps go to Australia for 6-months.  Still, the low salary and non-bonus jobs I took never allowed or given me the opportunity that I looked forward to have. My aunt didn't support me.

Then I moved on to wanting to have a relationship but I rejected or shun away because I want to have a christian partner. Subsequently,  my friends were attached, got married and now most of them have kids.

Here I am lamenting and feeling bitter thinking if I should have accepted whoever


was in my life, since it was easy to fall in love then. Now, I've different reasons for shunning.

  1. I no longer has any fantasy for romance
  2. All S' porean men are superficial, even when they say they're not
  3. I don't want to get hurt and rejected again. 
  4. Tired
  5. Hopeless
  6. Pointless
Through the years, I have served, not really expecting anything though I do hope like any other fellow christian sisters to find my other half in ministry but that never happened. Hope to find that special someone in cg like any other sisters,  never did as well. Prayed but may not be consistent as other girls. Nothing happened as well. Then I noticed that some met their other halves even before they are Christians and brought them to church. I felt a glimpse of hope.  But that too never happenef.

My skin condition is getting worst, destroying the last hope I have.

So what else do You expect me to do? I'll just wait for You to do something when You're happy to do so. You dictate my life so it's pointless to ask or to hope for anything.

These are just false hopes and lies.

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