God grandma has gone to heaven
It didn't really come as a shock to me since she was in and out of hospitals many times since end last year. I visited her once this year but she was actually back in hospital for the last 3 weeks.
And my mum didn't even tell me about it!!!! Haiz... Those were her last days....
My grandma looked after when I was young, probably about 4yrs of age. It wasn't a pleasant time staying with her, it was the worst memories of my life. Not because she mistreated me, but my cousins were the culprit.
When I attended the wake and sang her fav songs, I was sad but not to the extent of tearing. But yesterday was an emotional event not just for me but for everyone esp my 2nd god-aunt. She loved my grandma alot but she was never really my grandma's fav child. The youngest god-aunt who was the fav child didn't show much of a hysteria.
My god-grandma was a prayer warrior. Even when I visited her at hospital last month, she said "You must always pray. Prayer is very important. Prayer is the key, never give up on prayer." She also said that she lived to influence and impact the lives of those around her - 我活着是要为耶稣做见证。She was using whatever little energy she had lying on the hospital bed at that time. Here's an old lady, and yet she said her passion is to share the goodness of Jesus. Kinda ashamed of myself.
I feel like crying even now as I update and eating my lunch.
My colleagues said on Monday, no one is indispensable. This is very true. You may be sad for a week, a month but after awhile, it's just a passing moment and a phase in life. No one really remembers after that of the whole commotion, it is just due respect to the dead and knowing that we will meet again in heaven.
Even my 2nd god-aunt was sharing, during her last days before she passed away, she wanted to sing her fav worship songs to Jesus on her deathbed! Wow....
My god-grandma has gone to heaven and she is able to worship freely without pain, singing her fav hymns.
These few days of gathering with this side of the family, it dawned upon me I never really got over the fear for my cousins. I still didn't dare to talk to them, I still kept a distance, there's a tight knot in my stomach if I try to talk. Looking at them makes me nervous. I think the part of that child-emotions never really healed since 2 decades ago.
Is that why I have not fully grown into a woman? I feel like a little girl at times in this full-grown -body.
And my mum didn't even tell me about it!!!! Haiz... Those were her last days....
My grandma looked after when I was young, probably about 4yrs of age. It wasn't a pleasant time staying with her, it was the worst memories of my life. Not because she mistreated me, but my cousins were the culprit.
When I attended the wake and sang her fav songs, I was sad but not to the extent of tearing. But yesterday was an emotional event not just for me but for everyone esp my 2nd god-aunt. She loved my grandma alot but she was never really my grandma's fav child. The youngest god-aunt who was the fav child didn't show much of a hysteria.
My god-grandma was a prayer warrior. Even when I visited her at hospital last month, she said "You must always pray. Prayer is very important. Prayer is the key, never give up on prayer." She also said that she lived to influence and impact the lives of those around her - 我活着是要为耶稣做见证。She was using whatever little energy she had lying on the hospital bed at that time. Here's an old lady, and yet she said her passion is to share the goodness of Jesus. Kinda ashamed of myself.
I feel like crying even now as I update and eating my lunch.
My colleagues said on Monday, no one is indispensable. This is very true. You may be sad for a week, a month but after awhile, it's just a passing moment and a phase in life. No one really remembers after that of the whole commotion, it is just due respect to the dead and knowing that we will meet again in heaven.
Even my 2nd god-aunt was sharing, during her last days before she passed away, she wanted to sing her fav worship songs to Jesus on her deathbed! Wow....
My god-grandma has gone to heaven and she is able to worship freely without pain, singing her fav hymns.
These few days of gathering with this side of the family, it dawned upon me I never really got over the fear for my cousins. I still didn't dare to talk to them, I still kept a distance, there's a tight knot in my stomach if I try to talk. Looking at them makes me nervous. I think the part of that child-emotions never really healed since 2 decades ago.
Is that why I have not fully grown into a woman? I feel like a little girl at times in this full-grown -body.
