What to do when I don't know what to do?

I know that I should get over and be done what it. I am sorry for the negative vibes that I have been sending out but I just can't help it.

Perhaps it's a sign of escape but besides that, I don't know what can I do. Though I do treasure, but I am trapped by the past - a scary one and I will not be able to take it if happens the same way.

It was the most torturous phase of my life that I do not want to go through a 2nd time. It's the most horrible part of my memory, the wound that has been inflicted is deep. I thought I have got over it but then, I can see flickers of the images recently.

It makes me feel so fearful for the history to repeat itself and to know that I am still trapped by this incident. It's so silly. I could have lived my life without carrying the cross of the past. It's so silly that I should carry such a burden when I have a cross of Jesus that lead to unspeakable!

Sometimes I really wanna dig out my heart and cut open my brains to see what's really wrong with them!

Even as I typed, I can feel the pain in my heart. I want to be healed 100% and to place my trust and confidence in the Lord. Can I and will I?

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