eMeRgE oR sUbMeRgE

In the midst of Emerge, I was submerging.

Submerged with thoughts, negative.

I wonder when will I get rid of negative thoughts. I am just sick and tired of having to battle with negative thoughts without any outcome.

It's like fighting, fighting and no outcome. Well, I think there is. I lost cause I am still fighting with it for the longest of time.

Emotions are in a mess. A mix of letharginess, fear, confusion, withdrawn, sealed. Name it all.
Thank God, one element is lacking - suicidal.

But honestly, I don't have much zest for life as I used to. It's a burden. I know I should be enjoying what I have and be contented. But I am rarely contented since adolescence. The girls have the looks and figure, the brains and the guys.

I am often behind many and since this is so, why should I bother try? I have a strong pride and I don't like to lose. That's the reason why I don't see the need to compete. Why should I? Dissatisfaction only sets in deeper into my heart if I do so.

I don't seem to fit into this world though I don't have to. But I feel irrelevant to myself and to the people around me. I feel like a weirdo myself.

Who's normal?

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