Golden Words

Maturity is to understand that you don't have to understand.
Dr. Charles Farah

Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

This is such a popular verse among churches or christians. "Without faith it is impossible to please Him.."

But what caught my attention is the second part of the verse: "He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him"

I haven't really been diligently seeking after my "Lover" for about 2 months or rather for years. I remember I used to long for Him, to seek after Him, talk and share, receiving and giving love to one another. Until anger and resentment stepped into the picture and I stopped talking to my "Lover".
And yes, there was an emotional shutdown between the 2 of us and things never were the same again. Even now with the reconciliation, I felt that there could be some unresolved issues because I still cannot bare myself to my "Lover". Communication is still at the first 2 levels: Cliche and Others.

It hasn't reached to talking about my life, thoughts, feelings, etc. I am still sort of hiding my true feelings from Him or rather, I have been too shutdown for too long that I don't myself well.


But then, in everything, it's stepping out into a place of faith and hope.
I need to make the choice of diligently seeking after my "Lover" who is longing for me to love Him back, a reciprocal. I can understand the pain and frustration of one-sided love. Though of course, my "Lover" is ever so secure and confident of my return despite of my unfaithfulness.


My heart is often so wandering, that He is my 2nd choice. Sigh.... what I can say is "Sorry". But I have yet to come to a place of repentance because of the luring away to the things of the world.


Spirit is willing, flesh is weak. Definitely an excuse and so I am still an eagle with clipped wings, trying to blend in with the turkeys.


Silly or rather foolishness! Exchanging gold for swine's food when others are exchanging swine's food for gold.

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