Heavy as It is
My heart is heavy. I am so very sad. For whatsoever reasons.
Friends - backslided and unsaved... so sad for them and sad that I can't be of help or impact. Don't know what to say or do. I stopped making friends since my poly years. I guess inside of me, something died subconsciously. Not that I want to, I don't seem to keep friendships. To me it's something that can be do without though it's a bonus to have.
Life - going nowhere. Perhaps in my own eyes. In God's eyes I am going somewhere which I cannot see with my own eyes
CG - secret because some of you know my blog! haha...
Church - very blessed to be in this family for 5 years liao.. Thank God..
Career - sigh.....
Love - ????
Family - ............................................................................... actually it's not that bad lah.. just need to get out of the shadow.
So that's my life..... How sad can it get? It's not a tragedy definitely compared to others in the world who survived the tsunamis, the pandemic flu, dengue, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.
But I will really love to have a life full of boldness, love, faith and hope. But what I have right now is rather carnal and fleshly - fear, fear and more fears or rather uncertainties.
I don't want my life as it is in the past, it's 2006 for God's sake! It's time for something new!
I want to travel more, I want to have more financial breakthroughs, I want to get out of Singapore! I want to see boldness arise in me to reach out! More love in me to care about others! More security to stop short from strifing and competing! Contentment and rest in God's love, Heavenly Father.
Sigh... The word "father" makes me wanna puke. As much as I wanna believe in MAN, male character, but I think men sucks (no offense).... especially the S.N.A.G.. Wimpy group of marshmallows. Where're the real man nowadays? Ok... maybe I am a little feministic. I think I better stop my feminise comments right here, before I get stoned.
But I think the men nowadays really have no security and stability. Can't blame, the wars have taken the father figure out of their life since 2 generations or perhaps 3-4 generations ago.
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I don't wish to go to work tomorrow. I am soooooooooooooooo tired. But if I switch job, I don't know if I can find anything more interesting than this.
I am so tired of hoping. False hopes brings disappointments. Words doens't mean a thing, actions does.
Maybe I should be more positive. I don't know. But whoever said they want to sign up for the workshop, apparently have not done so and there's no response from the emails. Can't they type a few words such as, "will consider, thanks", "interested", "not interested", "I am not the right person", "I am the right person but not unavailable at that period". I will be happy as long as someone replies my mail and let me know that I am not an IDIOT! A bloody fool sending emails after emails and more emails just to receive response receipt and some doesn't even bother send it back!
How the hell will I know if the person receives my email? I can't even bother to do the follow up. Sickening people! Sickening phone! Sickening waiting period! Sickening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna take 2 weeks leave and be out of job. Out of Singapore, laze and be fat and get broke!
URGH............... I have too much anger and frustration within me that I am not talking straight or rather typing straight.
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I am complaining too much. Too much discontentment. But sales is the only result that can be seen from my job to measure my performance. No sales, No performance, No job security and that leads to frustration, worries, fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc
TRUST is still the word. Trust In the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. But Lord, I really don't know who to call any more. But amazingly for these few days, I have been able to find new names and companies to call, thank Lord. But I need sales, I need to fill up the class.
I don't know what else I can do. I feel so brainless. Stupid.Dumb.Idiotic.Useless.
ok... ya right... "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ..." I better crawl back to the Father's lap and be a good gal.
Friends - backslided and unsaved... so sad for them and sad that I can't be of help or impact. Don't know what to say or do. I stopped making friends since my poly years. I guess inside of me, something died subconsciously. Not that I want to, I don't seem to keep friendships. To me it's something that can be do without though it's a bonus to have.
Life - going nowhere. Perhaps in my own eyes. In God's eyes I am going somewhere which I cannot see with my own eyes
CG - secret because some of you know my blog! haha...
Church - very blessed to be in this family for 5 years liao.. Thank God..
Career - sigh.....
Love - ????
Family - ............................................................................... actually it's not that bad lah.. just need to get out of the shadow.
So that's my life..... How sad can it get? It's not a tragedy definitely compared to others in the world who survived the tsunamis, the pandemic flu, dengue, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.
But I will really love to have a life full of boldness, love, faith and hope. But what I have right now is rather carnal and fleshly - fear, fear and more fears or rather uncertainties.
I don't want my life as it is in the past, it's 2006 for God's sake! It's time for something new!
I want to travel more, I want to have more financial breakthroughs, I want to get out of Singapore! I want to see boldness arise in me to reach out! More love in me to care about others! More security to stop short from strifing and competing! Contentment and rest in God's love, Heavenly Father.
Sigh... The word "father" makes me wanna puke. As much as I wanna believe in MAN, male character, but I think men sucks (no offense).... especially the S.N.A.G.. Wimpy group of marshmallows. Where're the real man nowadays? Ok... maybe I am a little feministic. I think I better stop my feminise comments right here, before I get stoned.
But I think the men nowadays really have no security and stability. Can't blame, the wars have taken the father figure out of their life since 2 generations or perhaps 3-4 generations ago.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't wish to go to work tomorrow. I am soooooooooooooooo tired. But if I switch job, I don't know if I can find anything more interesting than this.
I am so tired of hoping. False hopes brings disappointments. Words doens't mean a thing, actions does.
Maybe I should be more positive. I don't know. But whoever said they want to sign up for the workshop, apparently have not done so and there's no response from the emails. Can't they type a few words such as, "will consider, thanks", "interested", "not interested", "I am not the right person", "I am the right person but not unavailable at that period". I will be happy as long as someone replies my mail and let me know that I am not an IDIOT! A bloody fool sending emails after emails and more emails just to receive response receipt and some doesn't even bother send it back!
How the hell will I know if the person receives my email? I can't even bother to do the follow up. Sickening people! Sickening phone! Sickening waiting period! Sickening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanna take 2 weeks leave and be out of job. Out of Singapore, laze and be fat and get broke!
URGH............... I have too much anger and frustration within me that I am not talking straight or rather typing straight.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am complaining too much. Too much discontentment. But sales is the only result that can be seen from my job to measure my performance. No sales, No performance, No job security and that leads to frustration, worries, fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, etc
TRUST is still the word. Trust In the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. But Lord, I really don't know who to call any more. But amazingly for these few days, I have been able to find new names and companies to call, thank Lord. But I need sales, I need to fill up the class.
I don't know what else I can do. I feel so brainless. Stupid.Dumb.Idiotic.Useless.
ok... ya right... "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ..." I better crawl back to the Father's lap and be a good gal.
